The Audacity of Despair

I’ve been suffering from depression for about 18 months, since late 2015. I gave up alcohol on December 10th, 2015. I had denied being an alcoholic for many years.

This past December (2016) my depression got much worse and I was hospitalized for the first time on December 29th. I’ve been in and out of Northwestern since, had two stints of a Partial Hospitalization Program at Rush, and am currently in a Residential program straight out of the psych ward.

Last Sunday, May 21st, 2017 I ran from the Residential program. I bought a sharp knife, drank five Old Fashioneds and cut my arms to pieces. I argued with the cops and EMT. I pulled the gauze off my bloody arms multiple times in the E.R. driving the nurses crazy.

This blog is to share poems and thoughts I have as I go through this extremely difficult journey fighting for my life against depression and alcohol.